A Sailor’s Dying Wish

This Story is a good Example of how you should always be Proud of who you Are

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Bud Cloud

After signing my Pop, EM2 Bud Cloud (circa Pearl Harbor) up for hospice care, the consolation prize I’d given him (for agreeing it was OK to die) was a trip to “visit the Navy in San Diego.”

I emailed my friend and former Marine sergeant, Mrs. Mandy McCammon, who’s currently serving as a Navy Public Affairs Officer, at midnight on 28 May. I asked Mandy if she had enough pull on any of the bases in San Diego to get me access for the day so I could give Bud, who served on USS Dewey (DD-349), a windshield tour.

The next day she sent me an email from the current USS Dewey (DDG 105)’s XO, CDR Mikael Rockstad, inviting us down to the ship two days later.

We linked up with Mandy outside Naval Base San Diego and carpooled to the pier where we were…

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10 marriage rules you should break.

  10 marriage rules you should break.


1. His fears.
 “Women aren’t typically reluctant to share fears,” says Audrey Sherman, PhD, developer of PsychSkills. But divulging that he’s scared of, say, thunder or big dogs, can make him appear weak. More importantly, the fears were shared with you in confidence; telling his secrets shows you’re not safe to confide in, says Sue Johnson, PhD, author of Love Sense: The Revolutionary New Science of Romantic Relationships. “This is a classic first step in loss of trust,” she adds. Before you share his fears, think about how this would make him feel, which can prevent causing real hurt, Dr. Johnson says. 


2. Your sex life-unless it’s rave reviews.
 Swapping juicy stories is part of the fun of a girls’ dinner. Bringing up your husband’s size, appearance or functioning, though, is forbidden, saysElizabeth Lombardo, PhD, author of A Happy You: Your Ultimate Prescription for Happiness. “Women tend to be sensitive about their looks,” points out Dr. Lombardo, so imagine if your husband told his buddies that you wear Spanx every day or that you’d really aged the last few years. You’d feel insulted and betrayed, right? So if you share between-the-sheets details, keep it positive-and brief. 

Related: 10 things that mean more to men than “I love you.”


3. His annoying habits-to his family.
 Putting down your hubby, even for seemingly innocuous things like leaving shoes out, can create tension between you and those relatives. “Your husband’s flaws could be viewed as a negative reflection of them,” Dr. Lombardo explains. “Plus, they’re protective of him.” Feel the need to vent about tripping over his loafers again? Tell your friends. If it’s done in a jovial manner, it isn’t a violation of trust. Just don’t divulge more serious problems that you haven’t discussed with your spouse. 

4. His less-than-ideal income or lack of success at work. Telling your friends that your husband was passed up for yet another promotion does more harm than good. “Our culture teaches us that men are supposed to be capable and in control all the time,” says Dr. Johnson. While we know that this is impossible, making it clear that your husband isn’t in control can be emasculating. The exception? When your hubby asks for help in finding a new job. In that case, spread the word to friends positively (“it’s not that he’s miserable at work; he’s just looking for new opportunities), and it can make a big difference.

5. His un-handiness. He can’t change his own oil, and he screws up any home renovation project. But your friends don’t need to know this. “Men equate masculinity with being able to fix things,” says Dr. Lombardo, because of traditional roles in which men provided food and shelter for their families. Even though this idea may seem old-fashioned, for many men, it’s hard to shake. Want to tell the funny story about your three-legged table? Clear it with him first, or better yet, let him tell it. 

Related: Discover 10 biggest secrets men keep from women. 

6. A major flaw you haven’t mentioned to him. Whether he has trouble connecting with your children or is so stubborn he never compromises, make your husband aware-not your friends. Learning that you talked about serious issues behind his back could irrevocably damage your relationship. According to Dr. Johnson, the compulsion to share partners’ faults is less about those characteristics and more about a distressed relationship. In other words, it might be time to see a therapist, who can teach you to communicate in effective, loving ways and help you reconnect, adds Dr. Johnson.

7. The not-so-nice things he says about you, your family and friends. “Sharing negative statements may make your friends not want to be around him,” says Dr. Sherman; it alters their feelings about him. And revealing problems you two might be having can make family “over-involved in trying to ‘fix’ matters for you,” she adds. If your husband constantly bashes a certain friend or relative, bring it up to him to correct it. If he makes occasional disparaging remarks, let it go. “Assume that your partner has positive motivations and focus on them,” says Dr. Lombardo. “When you do, you’ll both be happier.” 

8. His political or religious beliefs. While you may feel comfortable having heated debates with your friends, unless your husband’s vocal about his thoughts, they shouldn’t come up. He may have professional or personal reasons to keep these things to himself. The important lesson here is communication: “Knowing this information about each other can eliminate the guesswork,” says Dr. Sherman. If you have to mention his religious or political beliefs, keep it simple. For example, if you’re invited to a christening your partner wouldn’t be comfortable attending, try saying, “‘My husband isn’t a Christian and might not want to come,'” without going into further detail, suggests Dr. Johnson. 


9. His strained relationship with a family member.
 Men can be slow to address things that bother them, especially with relatives. “It’s a coping mechanism instilled in boys,” says Dr. Lombardo. As upset as you are that he won’t deal with it, mentioning it when he’s not around won’t bring about a resolution. “Because it’s his family or friends, he gets to choose if he discusses his relationship with them,” says Dr. Lombardo. You may not understand his process, but try to respect it. “Showing empathy is crucial for a safe, loving bond,” says Dr. Johnson.

10. Tough times from his past. Women seem to be hard-wired to share troubles and rehash the past, and “our culture allows that vulnerability,” says Dr. Johnson. But “men are less likely to want the past brought up,” says Dr. Lombardo. So it’s unfair to share challenges he’s faced without his permission. If you’re proud of something he’s overcome or think a friend could benefit from his story, encourage him to share it by emphasizing benefits that he finds important, rather than getting angry when he closes off, suggests Dr. Lombardo. For example, remind him of how helpful it would’ve been to have a trusted guide when he needed it most. He may be more likely to share once he’s aware that he could be helping someone he cares about.

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Surprising Things Never to Share About Your Husband

93.1 WZAK

When Men Don't Want Sex: America's Best Kept Secret (thumbnail)1. His fears. “Women aren’t typically reluctant to share fears,” says Audrey Sherman, PhD, developer of PsychSkills. But divulging that he’s scared of, say, thunder or big dogs, can make him appear weak. More importantly, the fears were shared with you in confidence; telling his secrets shows you’re not safe to confide in, says Sue Johnson, PhD, author of Love Sense: The Revolutionary New Science of Romantic Relationships. “This is a classic first step in loss of trust,” she adds. Before you share his fears, think about how this would make him feel, which can prevent causing real hurt, Dr. Johnson says.


2. Your sex life-unless it’s rave reviews.
 Swapping juicy stories is part of the fun of a girls’ dinner. Bringing up your husband’s size, appearance or functioning, though, is forbidden, says Elizabeth Lombardo, PhD, author of A Happy You: Your Ultimate Prescription for Happiness. “Women tend…

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How to Live a Happy Married Life

 

If you are married, you’ll know that happiness in your marriage is as essential as food is for hunger. Perhaps you’d like to be happier in your marriage – or you’re thinking about getting married and you’re looking for hints and tips. Here’s some good advice for living a happily married life.

 

 

 

1

Respect each other’s views at all times.

  • Give particular attention to what your spouse wants, believes and likes. Ideally, rather than working out what you need, you should try to work out what you both need. If you disappoint your partner, say so: “I’m sorry that I disappointed you.” and “I’ll try to make up for that.” If you may have given rise to a disagreement. 
 BY THIS POINT YOU SHOULD KNOW IT WONT WORK
 
2

Listen to each other properly. Don’t pretend to listen whilst you formulate your answer.

  • Show consideration to your spouse, with high regard to not disagreeing unnecessarily.
WRONG, SAY IT LIKE IT IS IF YOUR PARTNER DONT LIKE IT THAN THATS ANOTHER SIGN
 
3

Give priority to your spouse over everything else in your life.

  • Show your esteem for your spouse by giving preference over the needs and wishes of others.
NEVER DO THAT, YOUR PARTNER IS NOT PRIORITY, KIDS MONS AND DADS ARE.
 
5

Start your day with a warm kiss or a hug.

 
THAT I CAN DO, BUT DONT GET USED TO IT
 
 
6

Take time out and spend a few moments together–just the two of you alone.Maybe you and your spouse can go out for a walk or a drive to get away from others.

 
YES THIS IS A GOOD IDEA, STAYING TO LONG WITH YOUR PARTNER IN ONE PLACE IS NEVER A GOOD IDEA.
 
7

Talk graciously to each other about your thoughts–especially things for the two of you to agree upon or do together. Doing this daily helps foster communication between partners. OR GIVE AN EXCUSE TO FIND SOMETHING WRONG

  • Talk and thus be open hearted; this can create a bridge of thoughts and understanding. IF YOUR PARTNER IS NOT CRAZY
  • Never say things in anger intentionally meaning to hurt your partner. Cruel words you said but didn’t mean may be hard for your spouse to forget – they can cause lasting damage to your relationship. THATS A GOOD THING, IF IT HURTS YOU NOW IT WILL HURT MORE LATER. LEAVE
  • When arguing keep to the subject and try not to personally attack your partner
           I SAY WHY BOTHER. WHAT I THINK ABOUT THE SUBJECT IS WHAT MATTERS
 
8

Cook for each other, and show that you appreciate the thoughtfulness and the food – even if you could do better, or you may end up doing all the cooking yourself.

 
  HELL NO, WHO EVER DOES NOT WORK COOKS AND CLEANS PERIOD.
 
 
9

Remember that ideally and spiritually both of you are like one soul and two bodies; if you hurt each other, you hurt yourselves as well.

 
 THATS NO WHERE NEAR TRUE, BECAUSE WHEN YOUR PARTNER LEAVES YOUR ASS FOR SOME ONE ELSE YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE HURTING.
 
 
10

Don’t forget to do the little things that make each of you smile and feel loved.

 
THIS IS TRUE. YOU GOT PAID GOOD GIVE ME THE MONEY TO PAY THE BILLS BEFORE YOU GO SPEND IT AT THE STORES, THIS ALWAYS MAKES ME SMILE 
 
 
11

Be patient with each other as much as possible.

 
THIS IS TRUE, PATIENCE. VERY VERY IMPORTANT. PEOPLE’ ARE CRAZY.
 
 
12

Don’t break marital confidences or use them as a weapon during an argument

 
THAT’S NOT ALL THAT WILL BREAK, USUALLY YOUR PARTNER WILL GO FOR YOUR SOUL AT COURT AND WISH YOUR DEATH IN THE PROCESS. 
 
13

If you sense that something is wrong with your partner take time to embrace them and ask what’s the matter – maybe that’s the time they need your attention the most. Don’t ignore that opportunity.

JAJAJAJAJAJAJA, YEAH LIKE IM GONNA FALL FOR THAT ONE. MY X USED THAT EXCUSE WHEN RUNNING AWAY WITH THE PERSONAL TRAINER. I SHOULD OF HAD A SHRINK LOOK OVER THE ISSUES.
 
 
14

Make sure your partner knows how much you appreciate the little every day things they do, like doing the washing up or making the bed.

 
THIS IS TRUE. I APPRECIATE THE LITTLE THINGS. BUT ILL BE DAMM IF IM THE ONLY ONE WORKING AND I HAVE TO COME HOME AND DO THIS THINGS.
 
 
15

Surprise each other with little gifts or tokens of appreciation. This will make the moment even more special. Gifts need not be extravagant or painfully expensive. It is always the thought that counts. A little something to create warmth and sweet memories.

 
ILL BE FINE WITH THE PAY CHECK EVERY WEEK TO PAY THE BILLS. BECAUSE ONCE THE MARRIAGE ENDS IS ALL ABOUT THE MONEY, SO ILL MAKE SURE THAT DURING THE MARRIAGE IS ALSO ABOUT THE MONEY. NO MONEY NO CLEANING NO NADA, THAN THIS AIN’T WORKING GET THE HELL OUT.
 
 
 
 

Warnings

  • Learn to know one another as best as you can. SO YOU WILL KNOW WHEN THE BACK STAB WILL COME. Understand you are not the same and may never be – get to know each other and the way you both are. Respect that you are both individuals. JAJAJA SURE, EVEN MORE REASON TO PROTECT YOUR NECK FROM THE BLOOD SUCKER.
  • All issues need to have a solution and be resolved at the time of the conversation. LIKE I SAID, WHAT I THINK IS WHATS IMPORTANT
  •  Finish what you start other wise things just hang in the balance,which leads to future problems. I’LL FINISH IT WHEN I CAN AND OR FEEL LIKE IT
  • Always listen carefully. Some fights ruin the life even both sides do not know the cause of the fight. IN MY CASE THERE IS NO FIGHTING. I DON’T ARGUE CAUSE WHAT THE OTHER PERSON SAYS IS REALLY NOT IMPORTANT. UNLESS IS I GOT MONEY FOR YOU.
  • Communication is the key to a relationship. One should feel free to discuss all things with out fear of repercussion at any time. THIS WILL NEVER HAPPEN, YOUR PARTNER WILL USE ALL YOU HAVE SHARED AGAINST YOU AT THE END AND RIP OT YOUR HEART.
  • If you cheat on your partner it will ruin your own life, so make sure to always be honest with your spouse! JAJAJAJAJAJA LMAO, REALLY!!!!!!  CHEATING IS A LIFE DESTROYER SPECIALLY OF YOU HAVE KIDS. BUT IN THE USA, ONLY THE MAN SUFFERS THRU A DIVORSE, CAUSE THE WOMAN ALWAYS WINS IN COURT. SO WHY GET MARRIED???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
 
IF YOU FEEL YOU NEED TO COMMENT PLEASE DO, TELL WHATS IN YOUR HEART,ASK ANY QUESTION YOU WANT, TRY TO CONVINCE ME OTHER WISE.

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